heartbroken

I could blog today about what Nate wore for 80s day at school.  Or, I could blog about how Jilly and Laurel ended up with hand me downs from different people that are part of the same Gymboree line and how cute they are in them today.  But, I can’t.  I’m going to take a step away from my beautiful babies today and share with you some of His beautiful babies of all ages.

For months I’ve heard talk about people anxious to see Nefarious as the release seeming to get delayed longer and longer.  When Brad came home last week and said it was now available, and he had ordered a few copies, I was apprehensively anxious to finally see it.  There’s a difference between watching a documentary regarding event of the past and events atrocities of today.

Last night though, we sat down to watch it.  Not sure what exactly to expect from the movie, but wanting to allow God to move in and through me as I watched it.

I’m heartbroken.  I’m horrified.  I’m speechless.  I’m swimming in thoughts I’m attempting to process.

I can’t even begin to share all that sickened me as I watched what is truly going on every day all around the world.  As I checked on my kids last night after watching, the love I felt for them was beyond overwhelming as I thought at the same time about those beautiful and innocent girls in Cambodia being willingly sold by their parents into the sex industry.  Heartbreaking.

What do I do with all this?  I continue to process.  I continue to pray.  I share with you.  I encourage you to get your hands on this movie.  If we desire to be Christ-like, our hearts need to break for what breaks His heart.

The final quote shown at the end of the movie has run through my head countless time since last night:

“You may choose to look the other way but you can never say again that you did not know.”
― William Wilberforce

a koss kinda christmas

Koss family Christmas took place post-nap on Christmas day.  My kids were happy enough just to have all the cousins come over, but of course loved the chance to open more presents also.  With so many little hands wanting to help pass out presents, chaos took over, and the room was soon trashed.  (Plans are already underway for how to make it more organized next time.)  Somehow, even with a floor covered in discarded wrapping paper, not a single gift accidentally landed in the trash.

{Nate hard at work opening another gift.  So far Christmas has landed him 5 new Lego sets – all of which he’s already put together.}

{A certain Strawberry Shortcake loving girl was very happy with one of her gifts from Grammy and Grandpa.}

{If there was only video to go along with the pictures that were taken while the kids were sitting here.  It was quite comical as we all sang LJ’s favorite song (Itsy Bitsy Spider) to entertain them as they kept popping off the couch.}

{Kid dinner!}

{Happy Birthday Jesus!}

Merry Christmas

I think this pretty much sums it up!  May your day be blessed!

to Bethlehem we go . . .

. . . where sheep run wild and Joseph doesn’t smile.

Today was the big day for Nate and Jilly as they got to both take part in the program at church this morning.

Nate was asked to be Joseph and eagerly said yes, and Jilly was a sheep along with the rest of the three year old gang.  Nate took his role very seriously and was adorable about it.  He ended up getting to be Joseph at both performances and was thrilled with the opportunity.

Jilly has been talking about “my program” for weeks now, but apparently didn’t realize that it wasn’t over and done in a moment’s time like her ballets she does for us at home.  I was hopeful that she would have a little more focus than she showed at practice Saturday, but what you see is what you get.  She ran off the stage to tell me something no fewer than 2 times.  She also provided comical entertainment for the entire congregation as she and another little girl kept snatching and trading each other’s sheep ears.  Oh my.

I leaned over to Brad near the end, and whispered, “Good thing we have 12 months before she get’s to go up there again!”

Nate with his 9:15 Mary (Audrey):

Nate with his 11:00 Mary (Kaitlin):

 

On her birthday

Dear Jillian,

Today is the day that we celebrated your third birthday.  A day that you’ve excitedly exclaimed many times in the past few weeks (and even months) “now it’s my birthday?!?!?!”, sometimes several times throughout a day.  Today though was finally the day, and you were so super excited when I told you this was it.  Every time you were told “happy birthday” today you would reply “happy birthday!” unless I reminded you to say “thank you” instead.  It was adorable.

You have grown up so much, especially in the past 6 months.  From 2 1/2 to 3 seems to be such a period of going from baby-ish to kid-ish.  You  have always been ahead of things in language development so you’re always willing to chat someone’s ear off.  You are also super tall for your age, and most people would probably be surprised to find out that you only now just turned three.  You are willing to give most anything a go.  We have to keep an eye on you at the park as you just the other day climbed up the tall rock climbing wall unassisted.  You also can be full of mischief, and usually throw a daily dose of defiance our way, but hey, you were two.  That’s a thing of the past now, right? 

Everyday as I pray for you, I can’t help but be overwhelmed by the amount of joy that you bring to this family.  I thank God regularly for this joy he as blessed us with.  Not a day goes by when you don’t do something, say something, or simply smile in my direction that doesn’t just fill me up with joy.  You bring such a healthy dose of laughter into this family, and I am so grateful for it.

You are learning more and more the love that Jesus has for you, and you truly love him with such childlike innocent faith.  You have a passion for praying for other who are sick or hurt.  Your heart is fully into every prayer you pray in regards to the sick or hurt.  Your prayers are heard and answered by your Jesus, Jilly Mae.  My prayer is that you never forget this.  He loves to listen to you talk to him, and I love to listen to you talk to him too.

I’m sure that the journey to 4 is going to be filled with highs and lows.  I pray there are way more highs though.  You are beautiful Jillian.

I LOVE YOU!

Mom

uh oh, mom’s a mess!

for the past 5 years, 4 months, and 5 days (thank you lilypie age ticker) i have been blessed to be home with my nater nate.  not every day was fun and productive, but even on the worst of days i knew i was exactly where God had reassured me over and over many days in many ways that i was suppose to be.

if you had asked me 5+ years ago if i would cry sending my first child (or any of them) off to kindergarten, i would have say “nah”.  i’m just not the break down over such stuff type.  plus, being a teacher, the idea of my children being in school is exciting.)  but, this morning as we drove as a family of 5 (thank you brad for taking the day off!) to take nate in for his first day at cornerstone christian school, i cried.  beyond all attempts to hold it back, i sat in the front passenger seat and wept.

where to send our children to school was no small decision for brad and i.  we explored several options and spent a lot of time in prayer about it.  both our high school and college small groups prayed about it.  friends prayed about it.  many prayed.  after much prayer, conversation, and at time tears, both brad and i felt an overwhelming sense of peace as we entered cornerstone to meet with the principal this past winter.  we were finally standing where God wanted us.  where he wanted our children to grow and learn.

even with all this peace, which has never wavered, regarding where nate was to go to school i still struggled to hold back my emotions this morning.  i had spent the morning in prayer – in bed as i slept restlessly leading up to this morning, in the shower, at the breakfast table, as i brushed nate’s teeth.  see even though we have carefully sought out where our children would go to school, and we are blessed to be able to send them to an amazing spirit filled and led school, there will be influences even within those wall which we have shielded our children from so far.  it would be so in any school.  there will be children there whose parents send them there not because they sought the Lord but because it’s convenient or whatever other reason.

my struggle was to let my son, my only son, out of my protective hands for 7 hours (6 hours 50 minutes, but who’s counting) a day, 5 days a week.  but what the Lord continued to whisper in my mind and my heart as i prayed and wept, was that we had together held him for the past 5 years, 4 months, and 5 days.  i now needed to have the faith in him that allowed him to continue to hold nate in his protective hands even when nate can’t also be in mine.  and as i allowed myself to trust my Lord, peace overtook all my anxious heart was feeling.

so, here is my amazing kindergartener:

tomorrow should be easier, right?!?!?!?

“do we have to wear our green again tomorrow mom?”

stripes with green

curious with green

green with more green

nate was full of all kinds of questions about the point of st. patrick’s day this morning when i told him we had to wear green today.  i didn’t have many answers to satisfy his multitude of questions though.  in my mind i thought, good thing he has preschool today – they can explain it to him.

our lunch conversation:

me:  did you learn about st. patrick’s day at school today bud?

nate:  no, we just learn about Jesus at my school.

me:  i like that answer naters. 

asphalt and apple cores

nate:  mommy are there roads in heaven?

me:  maybe bud, i think the bible tells us that they are paved with gold.

nate:  or maybe they used asphalt.  (pause)  or concrete.

*********************************

jilly:  more apple!!!!!

me:  where is the apple that you were eating?

jilly:  in my mouth!

me:  including the core and stem?????

jilly:  in my mouth!

His

this weekend one a special one for our family.  it’s not very often that my parents coming to visit isn’t the biggest thing going on on a particular weekend.  this weekend though, they were a much appreciated bonus, but laurel’s baptism was the biggest thing this weekend.  it was an amazing day, and we are certain of God having big plans for her.

family fun fridays

we love fridays.

because brad works sundays, he’s able to take fridays as a day off.  most of the time over the past 4+ years he’s been at kok we use them to get things done that must get done.  it’s all good and well meaning, but it usually is more focused on brad and i than on the kids or family.  we’ve decided that with less than a year until we lose nate’s ability to be around on fridays due to kindergarten, fridays need to be more family focused.  our prayer is that God will provide inexpensive ways for us to do something special with the kids each/most fridays.

with brad having only been once this summer, myself twice, and the kids 4 times, we decided it was time for a family trip to the zoo.  when talking with jilly yesterday about our trip, i asked her what she wanted to see at the zoo.  her response was, “monkeys, ooo-ooo-aaa-aaa!, tigers, and bears!”  we were able to see a ton of monkeys, the tigers (including the new baby), and we promised to see the bears in a few weeks when we hope to go back.  nate’s request was to see the giraffe and to go through the aquarium, both of which we did.

we took a ton of pictures.  the zoo is one of my favorite places to pull out my long lens (thanks for the hand-me-down, mom and dad!) and take closer up shot of animal.  we also got some good shots of all of us too.

{we started our zoo time with a trip through the jungle in order to see lots of monkeys.}

{for once jilly was not in a “take my picture” mood.  probably because it was close to naptime by the time we got to the zoo.}

{nate thought about following brad and jilly, but opted to go around the other way with me.}

{i didn’t even realize until we got home that these guys have a baby between them!}

{this would be when i switched from my regular lens to my long one.}

{love those eyes!}

{. . . and this is what happens when your husband asks to take pictures for a while. . .}

{more giraffe butt!  oh, yeah and me with the kids.}

{we forgot to grab him a map which made him rather upset, but he always checked these maps each time he saw one.}

{more monkeys for jilly.}

{running.  gotta catch up with daddy and nate.}

{the older of the two gorilla babies – so cute!}

{this litte gal has only been out on exhibit for two weeks.  i was super excited to get to see her while she was still so small.}

{apparently jilly’s bow was mistaken for a flower by this butterfly who hitched a ride on her bow for quite a while.}

{did i mention that it was a perfect day for the zoo?  low 70s, sunny, and breezy.  gorgeous!}

in the plans for next friday’s family fun friday:  use the free bowling passes we got at the royals game on monday evening!