treading water

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to say that parenting has been a stress, a struggle, and a sanity stretcher lately would be a huge understatement.

i just found myself walking through our house, which is currently enjoying the peacefulness of quiet time, wondering why God doesn’t give us our most challenging child first so we know we’re facing the toughest of it.  it seems when talking with many friends our second child has thrown us for quite a loop after pretty easy-going firsts.  i know this is not always the case for everyone, but wow!

don’t get me wrong, i love my jilly mae with a most immense love which would go to the ends of the world and beyond for her.  it breaks my heart to see her cry, and she melts me with her springy curls and dimpled cheeks.  and nate is by no stretch of the imagination a perfect child who is always obedient.

we have just been through some of our toughest days yet with jilly, and i feel like i am drowning in the sea of parenting, bobbing up and down gasping for breath thoroughly exhausted.  brad and i have often noticed that really tough patches with either child seem to come in two week segments.  for roughly two weeks one child will test us to the point where we just don’t know what else to do, and then there will be a return a more regular balance of behavior/attitude/emotion after that time frame.

i think it’s getting to me more this time because i worry about how much harder these times will be when we have gunther here in a few weeks.  am i really ready to handle 3 kids?  should we have spaced our kids out more to give each one more attention in these younger years?  how can i do a better job of being the calm, collected parent who deals with things in a rational way?

it’s been a rough few days, and i suppose i’m hoping putting some of my thoughts into written words will help me somehow.

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