uh oh, mom’s a mess!

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for the past 5 years, 4 months, and 5 days (thank you lilypie age ticker) i have been blessed to be home with my nater nate.  not every day was fun and productive, but even on the worst of days i knew i was exactly where God had reassured me over and over many days in many ways that i was suppose to be.

if you had asked me 5+ years ago if i would cry sending my first child (or any of them) off to kindergarten, i would have say “nah”.  i’m just not the break down over such stuff type.  plus, being a teacher, the idea of my children being in school is exciting.)  but, this morning as we drove as a family of 5 (thank you brad for taking the day off!) to take nate in for his first day at cornerstone christian school, i cried.  beyond all attempts to hold it back, i sat in the front passenger seat and wept.

where to send our children to school was no small decision for brad and i.  we explored several options and spent a lot of time in prayer about it.  both our high school and college small groups prayed about it.  friends prayed about it.  many prayed.  after much prayer, conversation, and at time tears, both brad and i felt an overwhelming sense of peace as we entered cornerstone to meet with the principal this past winter.  we were finally standing where God wanted us.  where he wanted our children to grow and learn.

even with all this peace, which has never wavered, regarding where nate was to go to school i still struggled to hold back my emotions this morning.  i had spent the morning in prayer – in bed as i slept restlessly leading up to this morning, in the shower, at the breakfast table, as i brushed nate’s teeth.  see even though we have carefully sought out where our children would go to school, and we are blessed to be able to send them to an amazing spirit filled and led school, there will be influences even within those wall which we have shielded our children from so far.  it would be so in any school.  there will be children there whose parents send them there not because they sought the Lord but because it’s convenient or whatever other reason.

my struggle was to let my son, my only son, out of my protective hands for 7 hours (6 hours 50 minutes, but who’s counting) a day, 5 days a week.  but what the Lord continued to whisper in my mind and my heart as i prayed and wept, was that we had together held him for the past 5 years, 4 months, and 5 days.  i now needed to have the faith in him that allowed him to continue to hold nate in his protective hands even when nate can’t also be in mine.  and as i allowed myself to trust my Lord, peace overtook all my anxious heart was feeling.

so, here is my amazing kindergartener:

tomorrow should be easier, right?!?!?!?

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One response »

  1. So well put Andrea! It brought back all those feelings for me so many years ago. Thanks for sharing. Yes, it will get easier, but it still tears at me a little bit to let them go each fall. You never stop being a mom and wanting the best for them. I’m proud of and inspired by you and Brad putting so much time and prayer into decisions regarding your children. The blessings will be bountiful 🙂

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